* * *
“Never let them see you bleed,” my father always used to say.

I thought it was just a saying until I found out everyone else’s blood was red.

* * *
“Death by Milk and Honey,” I blurted out as the judge finished reading the options I had for my capital punishment.

I had no idea it involved ants.

* * *
“Welcome to the year 2123,” a smiling man in a white labcoat said to me as I emerged from my short nap in the Sensory Deprivation Tank.

“Congratulations on being the first person to survive all one hundred years in the Century Deprivation Tank.”

* * *
“Misses Johnson just told me she hasn’t seen her oldest son in almost three days,” my wife told me with a worried look on her face.

I hadn’t worked up the courage yet to tell my wife she escaped the basement and had eaten most of him during the last full moon.

* * *
“What’s it like being dead?” the little girl asked me.

I held her hand, looked her in the eye and spelled out “cold and lonely” on the Ouija Board.